Don't do what Donny Don't does.

Did you see it, did you see it? I was on the telly last night! Everyone did a big cheer when my face appeared for my three seconds of fame. There were also a couple of good shots of the inside and outside of the pub as well. It was pretty exciting. George made it on too, wandering around behind the presenters when they were doing a piece to camera, and everyone did another big cheer. I've had a taste of fame people, and let me tell you, it was well moreish!

It was a good end to the day because I'd been having a bit of a rubbish shift at work. I love working at the pub, but sometimes you can't help but get in a bit of a bad mood. You know what it's like, when every little thing really bothers you. When it seems like someone has written down a list of all your pet hates, photocopied it and secretly distributed it to everyone around you with instructions to pick a few and just go nuts. It's a hazard of all jobs in public service, a hazard of daily life in fact, but when alcohol's involved it seems to get turned up a notch. A whole notch. So, in the interests of good karma and the smooth running of pubs everywhere, I give you my top tips on how not to order your drinks.

1: Don't order a drink and then wander off to the toilet or something whilst it's being poured. It only takes about 10 seconds to pour a pint.

2: Don't order a round and then ask for a Guinness right at the end. Everyone knows it needs time to settle.

3: Don't stand at the bar waiting to be served only to turn around and try to figure out what your 12 mates want when it's your turn. I could be serving other people while you're doing that.

4: Don't assume you can pay by card. Ask first and carry cash.

4b: When told "we don't take cards" do not say "not at all?". What does that mean!? "Oh, yeah, we take cards a little bit. "

5: Don't order your drinks one at a time or twenty in one breath. I am neither a moron nor a robot.

Well there's five hot tips for you. I'd better leave it at that or I run the risk of sounding like a right moaner and having to give up my 'good natured' mantle. Feel free to comment if you think I've omitted anything that the people need to know. It doesn't have to be specifically pub related, just to do with serving the public. We've all got to learn.

P.s. Whatever you do, do not combine any of the above bar room errors. That would be like crossing the beams in Ghostbusters. Do not cross the beams!